to help with decision making when going on a date, my bf and i created a list of 20 restaurants we like. 1 being ihop (as a joke, neither of us actually like ihop), 20 being our favorite steakhouse, with the rest in no particular order. we roll a d20 and go to the corresponding place
after i wrote the list down, he goes “roll it, let’s go to dinner tomorrow night!” i got excited, he got a die out, and i fucking CRIT FAILED and now we’re FORCED to go to ihop tomorrow because both of us are too stubborn to back out omg
im currently on the phone with him and im saying “what time you wanna go” and he’s all “to ihop? what time are we going to ihop?” omg he just keeps saying ihop to emphasize how dumb we are
okay but this is the cutest and most real shit i’ve ever seen.
The rolls are meaningless if critical failures don’t come with consequences.
In honor of Tumblr’s titty ban, I now present a special edition of Mod EJ Nerds:
Today I visited the Israel Museum in Jerusalem, which has an amazing collection of archeological finds from all over the area. It was all fascinating and made my nerdy heart flutter, but I particularly noticed an absolute profusion of titties.
Small titties:
Big titties:
Flat titties:
Buxom titties:
Perky titties:
Saggy titties:
And hey, here’s the oldest archeological example of human figurative art! And guess what:
guy who stands on street and spins sign for quiznos
being spider-man
and thats IT i dont want any of this “hes a genius tech ceo making millions” SHIT. Spider-man is BROKE and he missed rent this month and he has a tiny apartment and thats how its MEANT TO BE. he doesnt make money because he is our Friendly Neighbourhood Spider-man and not fucking Tony Stark.
•"hey, y’see the red thing at the top of the shelf, will you get it?“ “Sorry, what?” “On the sh-” “oh yeah sure, I’ll get it.”
•*doesn’t hear teacher because someone’s pen is making a scratchy sound at the back of the room*
•*replays video 10 ten times to figure out what they’re saying*
•teachers asking, “why do you always stop writing in the middle of a sentence, just write down whatever I’m saying,” followed by the response, “I’m just processing it,” rebuked by, “we’ll stop processing it and just write.”
•*gets really focused on staring out the window and goes through four songs without hearing a single on*
someone is whispering to their friends in the library, you don’t even know who this person is but you know their major, what state they grew up in, and their hobbies during high school. you just wanted to find a quiet spot to do your chemistry homework.
wanting to chime in on other people’s conversations all the time, but don’t, because you’re not suppose to be “listening” to them.
being the only person in the house that can hear that awful buzzing sound certain electronics make
hiding in your room because everything is too loud.
motorcycles were invented by satan
being told that you have dog-like hearing by friends and family
being yelled at for “not listening” by friends and family.
God. God. God. God.
This entire post is so fucking relatable it hurts
“You just need to learn to tune it out.”
Forgetting how to think because ambient noise is drowning out your internal monologue.
“No, I don’t need the volume up, I’d just really like to put on subtitles. No, I don’t need to move closer, I just…”
Leaving the room whenever someone starts talking on the phone.
Pausing your video whenever someone starts talking but trying really really hard not to seem passive aggressive about it.
Struggling to explain why this one sound is the most horrible thing in the world while other very similar sounds are fine.
“How come you can hear a pin drop but you can’t hear anything else?”
Clocks are the spawn of satan like seriously fuck that shit
Admitting that you still don’t understand directions and feeling guilty for asking for the person to repeat themself again
Trying to focus in class but there’s too much going on around you and you just sit there until the idea you had comes back
Getting so focused on something that whenever someone says something to you, you absolutely freak out because you know you’re going to lose your train of thought and you get kind of mad
Falling asleep is super hard
Waking up and then trying to go back to sleep is super hard
Hearing people breath or cough really annoys you
Trying to watch something but there’s people in the other room talking so you can’t pick something to focus on
Small town culture is knowing that there are Old Folks with strange nicknames but never knowing the stories behind them.
Of course, I made the mistake of asking why everyone calls this one guy Brickaday and it turns out that he worked at a brickyard for 40 years, stealing exactly one brick every day and making no particular efforts to conceal the theft. Nobody thought anything of it until years later he was discovered to have built three houses.
His boss is said to have shrugged and made some remarks about the importance of coming up with a plan and sticking to it.
I‘m trying to arrange my face into an appropriate approximation of silent bafflement and failing miserably.
i appreciate brickaday
chaotic good
My grandpa once told me he worked with a guy called Scrappy at General Motors back in the 50s. Every few days he would wheelbarrow out metal shavings and the foreman was convinced he was stealing things and hiding them in the scrap metal to get it out of the factory. But every time they’d go through the scrap they’d find nothing. He was stealing the wheelbarrows.
One of my late grandfather’s friends was called Salami because he used to steal salami and cured meats so I’m seeing a pattern here
JahLoveAngel 